Wednesday, 7 January 2015
Wednesday, 17 December 2014
“Let no one who loves be called altogether unhappy.Even love unreturned has its rainbow.”
― J.M. Barrie, The Little Minister
Unrequited love,and the pain it comes with!To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves,because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?Love is supposed to be beautiful when it is shared,right?Imagine that kind of love a person has for another,when the feeling is not mutual.
I was,as usual,going through my Goodreads,when I bumped into this quote.I wonder who hasn't been there:more the unhappy place,than the rainbows,anyway bit.
Neil Gaiman;Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.I hate love.
That was said about that feeling of needing to be with someone,so bad that when they are away from you,it hurts enough to hate love.But this kind of love;unrequited love...I have to admit,is so much better than a real one.I mean,it's perfect...As long as something is never even started,you never have to worry about it ending.It has endless potential.Silly,I know.It is easier this way,though...but the pain!
Unrequited love is near unconditional.Hurts more than brings joy..wait,the only joy you get,is bittersweet.Your smile fades,everytime you remember they can't love you back.Sad,huh?Problems get fixed,but unrequited love?Now,that,is a tragedy.Imagine waiting all your life,for hallo,or a phone ring,to prove you are not alone...
As a lover it's difficult not to project your boundless feelings of fondness onto the beloved. But when it becomes blatant that these feelings aren't recognized,and if so, certainly aren't reciprocated;the ensuing disappointment and hurt can be immeasurable. The famous line, "She [or he] doesn't even know I exist," is so familiar because the experience itself is so common. Which one of us hasn't at some time experienced the pangs of a love that's not reciprocated?
It's no wonder that so many poets have written about unrequited love. For when their emotions have become so overwhelming, so agitating, anxiety-laden, or consuming, how could they not be driven to search for just the right words, images, and metaphors to express,or better, release such intense feelings? And,almost like a bloodletting, such a discharge is likely to offer them at least some immediate relief. So throughout history,writers have painstakingly sought to transform their raw, overpowering feelings into a language as poignant,as "touching" and "moving," as this excruciatingly frustrating experience must have been for them.And their deeply personal need to give voice to such anguish was probably as urgent as the anguish itself.
Every broken heart has screamed at one time or another: "Why can't you see who I truly am?
"I prithee send me back my heart,
Since I cannot have thine;
For if from yours you will not part,
Why, then, shouldst thou have mine?"
~ John Suckling
Unrequited love is also the stuff that popular songs are made of.When I was 18,I could sing Taylor Swift's "Teardrops on my guitar" by heart!no,don't ask.Lord!
Songs About Unrequited Love
- I've Told You Now - Sam Smith
- If - Janet Jackson
- If Eilert Loevborg Wrote a Song, It Would Sound Like This - Broken Records
- If I Had You - The Korgis
- Invisible - Paul Weller
- Long Gone - Chris Cornell
- Losing My Religion - R.E.M.
- Love Untold - Paul Westerberg
- Lovestruck - Madness
- Loving You - Michael Jackson
- Luanne - Foreigner
- Mickey - Toni Basil
- Missing - Evanescence
- Monday Morning - Fleetwood Mac
- My Eyes Adored You - Frankie Valli
- My Never - Blue October
- Sick - New Hollow
Think,Adelle.My friend even thinks she is a sad person,just for the music she makes.I always thought every song of hers,takes you to a place you have been to...My favourite Whitney son(R.I.P) is also about not having a return in love,of the measure you gave to someone you would easily have died for."Saving all My Love" for a person that would never feel the same about you.Tough luck,eh?
". . . a final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works"
~ T. E. Kalem
Like I ever could write about love,unrequited..sigh.
this is nearly the saddest thing I have ever had to write about.
At least I did try...
..."To love and not be loved back,is the saddest part about giving love a chance.This is the curse of a lonely heart..."
PS:I know there should be beauty in love,unrequited,or returned,but the only rainbow I want is the one I can look at with him,smile in the moment,and think to myself,"Ah,I'm truly blessed to have him.But until then,let me stay alone,with my pieces/poems,and songs,and dreams,and hopes,that he feels the same...because it would kill me to find out that he doesn't.
Wednesday, 25 June 2014
"L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore can love..."I love how the said it in her day!
Poets and musicians,even painters and sculptors have for the longest time tried to define the feeling or state of being in love with someone!My mother once told me that being in love makes you want the best for the one you love,even if that means leaving their lives,if you stand in the way of their happiness!
Now,There's this great poet I like...Pablo Neruda!He wrote one of my all time favourite poems!The moment I first read it,I was sure I was going to blog about it!This piece just screamed in my face!....."I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,in secret,between the shadow and the soul."
The way these words glared at my face!I am at that point in my life!If he is a secret,I want to tell it!If I could drape the moon in words of how he makes me feel...I would need Jupiter's moon!I don't even know if that makes any sense,but to me,it does!
The point is,I have loved before,only to have my heart crippled and shoved back at me!But the strangest thing has happened!I have found another,who mended it with as little as hallo!I know this is the stuff of movies and fiction bookshelves,but I guess you could say imagination is something I can now live without!Like I hardly need to sleep,because I love reality better than my dreams!
I don't know what to do,but I have the best sensation in my chest,better than that feeling when I put a cotton bud in my right ear,just in time to experience "that feeling"(My friend Wamboe and I,have been trying to find a name for this cotton bud sensation) help us if you have the slightest clue!Oh,I said right ear because my left ear is deaf!I think that killed the nerves there too..
Before I lose it all here on my blog,let me diall that +245722 in case he thinks I don't care half as much as I let on!I never thought I could say this about anybody other than myself(and Lauryn Hill),but he has the most soothing voice my ear ever heard!Being partially deaf makes me choosy when it comes to people's voices;I am easily irritated by some voices,for no reason!No,he is no singer,but then again,he needs not go that far;he has me at hallo(sometimes even before that hallo)!!Strangely,as I type this,I am singing along to.."LOVING HIM IS RED!"Playing Taylor Swift is not one of my strongest qualities,though!
Enough of my ranting(the excitement:wooi!)Here is that lovely Sonnet that got me back into a blogging mood!Feels good to be back to my blog!Ps:Thank me later,yeah! *wink*
Pablo Neruda ; Sonnet XVII: I do not love you as if you were brine-rose, topaz
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other waythan this:
where I does not exist, nor you...
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
Pablo Neruda;One one of the most famous poets of all time, Pablo Neruda was born Neftali Ricardo Reyes Basoalto, but adopted legally in 1946 his pen name of Pablo Neruda. From the 1940s on, his works reflected the political struggle of the left and the socio-historical developments in South America. He is also very famous for his love poems. Neruda's Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair (1924) have sold over a million copies since it first appeared.His poems total to about 120 pieces.
Thursday, 14 November 2013
I am what my teachers called a bright kid,in primary and high school.But they also said I have a tendancy not to take my schoolwork,and mostly,my examinations,seriously.I never quite looked at exams,as the determinants of my IQ.My parents,like my teachers,thought that it was too free spirited of me!But in earnest,my best and most precious and important lessons,I learnt outside the confines of the classroom.I always have a book in hand.I love knowledge,and I look for it.I dare to go out of the Syllabus,and search for truths that scholars dubbed,unimportant.On the day of my exams,I could comfortably sport a book that is in no way related to the unit I will be tested on.Even here,in campus,I find students cramming stuff on the eve of the examination,or minutes before.If such are the kind of professionals that school yields,I rest my case.I am of the belief,that school is important,but it isnt entirely indispensable.Education is.
So,I was just roaming online the other day,reading what other people thought about education,and schooling.Then,a British poet,one Suli Breaks,caught my eye.He had a whole world of my thoughts,embedded in his words.I could identify with every single word he spoke.Throughout his piece,I found myself unconsciously nodding in agreement.I even fell in love with the title to his piece.There it was,written in bold, "WHY I HATE SCHOOL,BUT LOVE EDUCATION."
It caught my eye,later,my ear,and later,my psyche...So,I decided to get you his lyrics,that you too,may see what amazed me so.Here is that amazing piece,but this gifted British poet,Suli Breaks...
Suli Breaks;WHY I HATE SCHOOL BUT LOVE EDUCATION.
So,you want to get a degree,why?Let me tell you what society would tell you,"Increases your chances of getting a job,provides you with an opportunity to be successful,your life will be a lot less stressful,education is the key."Now,let me tell you what your parents would tell you,"Make me proud,increases your chances of getting a job,provides you with an opportunity to be successful, your life will be a lot less stressful,education is the key."
Now let’s look at the statistics;Steve Jobs’ net worth $7 billion(R.I.P),Richard Branson net worth $4.2 billion,Oprah Winfrey net worth $2.7 billion,Mark Zuckerberg,Henry Ford,Steven Spielberg,Bill Gates....
Now here comes ‘the coup, de grace’.Looking at these individuals, what’s your conclusion?Neither of them,in being successful,ever graduated from a higher learning institution.Now some of you would protest like,"You know money is only the medium by which one measures worldly success."Some of you even have the nerve to say,"I don’t do it for the money."So,what are studying for?To work for a charity?Need more clarity?
Let’s look at the statistics..Jesus,Muhammed,Socrates,Malcolm X,Mother Teresa,Spielberg,Shakespeare,Beethoven,Jesse Owens, Muhammad Ali,Sean Carter,Michael Jeffrey Jordan,Michael Joseph Jackson...were either of these people unsuccessful or uneducated?
All I’m saying is that if there was a family tree,hard work and education would be related,but school would probably be a distant cousin.If education is the key, then school is the lock.Because it rarely ever develops your mind to the point where it can perceive red as green and continue to go when someone else said stop.Because as long as you follow the rules and pass the exams,you’re cool. But are you aware that examiners have a checklist?And if your answer is something outside of the box,the automatic response is a cross!And then they claim that school expands your horizons and your visions.Well, tell that to Malcolm X,who dropped out of school and is world renowned for what he learned in a prison.
Proverbs 17:16->>It does a fool no good to spend money on education,why?Because he has no common sense.George Bush.Need I say more?“Education is about inspiring ones mind not just filling their head.And take this from me,because I’m a educated man myself,who only came to this realization after countless nights in the library with a can of Red Bull keeping me awake til dawn and another can in the morn,falling asleep in between piles of books which probably equates the same amount I’ve spent on my rent. I would memorize equations,facts and dates,write it down to the letter,half of which I’d never remember,and half of which I forgot straight after the exam,and before the start of the next semester,asking anyone if they had notes for the last lecture?I often found myself running to class,just so I could find the spot on which I could rest my head and fall asleep without making a scene. Ironic,because that’s the only time I ever spent in university of chasing my dreams.And then after nights with a dead-mind,identifying myself in the queue of half awake student zombies waiting to hand in an assignment,maybe that’s why they call it a dead line.And then after three years of mental suppression and frustration,my proud mother didn’t even turn up to my graduation.”
Now,I’m not saying that school is evil,and there’s nothing to gain,but all I’m saying is,understand your morals and reassess your aims,because if you want a job working for someone else,then help yourself.But then that would be a contradiction,because you
wouldn’t have really be helping yourself,you’ll be helping somebody else.There’s a saying,which says,“If you don’t build your dream, someone else will hire you to help build theirs.”
Redefine how you view education.Understand its true meaning.Education is not just about regurgitating facts from a book on someone else’s opinion on a subject to pass an exam.Look at it,Picasso was educated in creating art,Shakespeare was educated in the art of word that was written,Colonel Harland Sanders was educated in the art of creating Kentucky Fried Chicken...
I once saw David Beckham take a free kick.I watched as the side of his Adidas-sponsored boot hit the playing level of the ball at an angle which caused it to travel towards the skies as though it was destined for the heavens.And then as he reached the peak of his momentum,as though it changed its mind,it switched directions.I watched as the goalkeeper froze,as though he recited to himself the laws of physics,and as though his brain was negotiating with his eyes that he was indeed witnessing the spectacle of the level swung that was sweeping towards it,and then reacted.But only a fraction of a millisecond too late.And before the net of the goal embraced the FIFA-sponsored ball,as though it was the prodigal son returning home....And the country that I live in erupted into cheers,I looked to the play,and thought,"Damn!Looking at David Beckham is more than one way in this world to be an educated man."
Suli Breaks has his way with words;I hope he won you over.I hope you are schooled,for all the right reasons.I am a university student.I study what I love.I am passionate about education though,mostly the non-scholarly kind.I believe that we learn,everyday,in school,and away.But like Suli would say," Redefine how you view education.Understand its true meaning.Education is not just about regurgitating facts from a book on someone else’s opinion on a subject to pass an exam."
I keep telling this to Brian and Lee,and I bet,by now,it has sunk,deeply.Nothing would please me more,than to see my two little brothers grow into,not only well schooled and learned young men,but also educated young men!I voice my opinion about education and school,at every chance I get.Because,dilligence is the only thing I see right in schools these days..period!I know there are those that belong to a different school of thought,who would disagree with me,regarding the opinions voiced in this article.And to those,like Suli,I would say,"If there was a family tree,hard work and education would be related,but school would probably be a distant cousin."
Keep your dilligence,alright.But think beyond what they teach you in school.The syllabus is limited,they only let you learn a portion of what is really there to learn.That means that a greater percentage,is what school leaves behind.Plus examinations never test all you learnt,or do they?Be in school,but for all the right reasons.
PS:You can find Suli's piece on youtube.Just search by his name,or the title to his piece.
Wednesday, 30 October 2013
I dont know if I blogged earlier,of my love for dreadlocks,and natural hair,generally.Having earned the tag "African Woman" from my African friends(weird,I know!) due to my love for all things natural,and African....its a shame I am mentioning this now! :(
But now that we are here,I need to say,just how thrilled I am,because by December,my nappy hair will be locked into dreadlocks!Yeeey!!Am telling you,my friend,Wambui,she cant wait to see my hair,locked!hehe
I have been obsessing with dreadlock hairstyles for me,for this Christmas!Ha!It did get to me,this locking thing! :) But,bottom line,I love the fact that I will finally ditch those weaves that Lexx(my bff)calls horses(or horse tails)!But my dreadlocks,are something I'll definitely share with you,when I have pics to show too!Oh,and I'm arranging my dreadlock photoshoot too!hehe..this is going to be awesome! I need to call Cacah..*note to self*
So,back to the lady on my title,Asha Mandela!Am jealous of not just her locks,but her name too!Mandela is quite a big name,you know! :/ Anyway,I was busy trying to find some fancy hairstyles for my locks,on google....and then,there it was,this picture of a woman seated,with a tress of locks flowing from her head!!I was as curious as always,so,I clicked on the webside from whence the picture came! "Black Rapunzel" became the the third reason I am jealous of this 50year old lady,one Amazing Asha Mandela! :)
So,I did the nosing around for you.All you need to do now,is sit down,relax,and read what I came up with...pretty cool,and informative,actually!Oh,and you could thank me later!♥
Now,meet Asha Mandela,better known as "The Black Rapunzel."
Asha Mandela has a lock on a world record that others might dread:The world's longest dreadlocks.The 50-year-old Atlanta resident has earned the name "the Black Rapunzel" because she holds the Guinness World Record for "World's Longest Dreadlocks," which she has owned since 2008. Her dreads were officially measured to be 19 feet, 6 inches long, but an official measurement found one of the strands measured a whopping 55 feet, 7 inches. Mandela first started growing her lovely locks 25 years ago, after she moved from Trinidad-Tobago to New York and decided to have a more "natural" hairstyle. “When I first started, it was more of a spiritual journey -- It wasn’t anything to do with a fad or style in fashion,”Mandela said according to the International Business Times.“After 25 years of growth, my hair has really become part of me and I feel that if I ever cut my hair I’d really be taking away my life.” But greatness like this isn't easy: She washes the dreads once a week,using up to six bottles of shampoo at a time.Then it takes two days for the locks to dry! :O And they weigh 25 pounds when wet. She says the extra weight of her hair makes her doctors very concerned."The doctors seem to think I have a curvature of my spine and that it's the length and the weight of my hair that's making me curve," she said,according to the Mirror. "Some have said my neck has collapsed at the back and that I need to be careful because I could start having spasms in my spine and probably be paralyzed." That problem is mitigated, she says, by the effect her locks have on the men in her life."My hair has never caused a problem with intimacy.I think it adds a little spice on top,"she said.
......Wah!Now,this is just too cool to be real!But I pray that her neck and back stay in good condition...Even I don't want to see those beautiful locks go..no!
....uuum....thank me now,hehe ;)
...Now,let me find Babu,cause this hair of mine needs him,more than ever!Oh,and PS:If you are looking for a locking expert,eeeeer...not to brag,but Babu is the coolest there is!My pics are coming up,just so you understand what they mean,by "Dreadlock perfection! ♥
Tuesday, 24 September 2013
Friends of mine,
You know not what I seek,
You know not,of what I speak,
Of twighlight hews,
The guardians of the night time,
Of "miaws" that sound like babies crying,
And spirits a-roaming in the air...
Of darkness so thick,its tangible...
And silence so loud,its defeaning.
I am,of the fourth watch,
A time so dark,you cant read your watch
but again,isnt the 21st Century just as dark,with iniquity?
The things I see,at this wee hour,
Make my resolve even stronger,
to watch and pray...
Because,the good book says..
That HE will show up like a thief,in the night,
at a time you may never have thought.
Try as I might,
This text wont leave my psyche,
So,here I am...
guuadian of this hour,
Standing in the gap,with all my prayer armour,
You will find me up,by the time you awake,
Ask not,why I am different from your kind,
for HE has taught me to watch and pray.
I found my sole purpose..
This is not just what I do,
To watch and pray,
This is who I am,and I am proud of it.
warrior of the 4th watch...
Saturday, 14 September 2013
"That girl" is a phrase that could mean virtually every girl,but when you listen to one Alysia Harris,talk about that specific girl,you will get my exact drift.
"The girl who is only allowed to make you smile,when she's making you orgasm.."
"That girl who everyone wants to sleep with,but no one wants to be with..."
Many men have their own 'closet freaks' that they hide behind curtains.To these women they show the parts of themselves that aren't all that acceptable to the rest of the world.But they hide them,make them secrets that only they know..But all these men ever do,when they are not with "that girl" is try and find a girl,that is just like "that girl".Alysia says this better than I could have ever imagined possible!
I first bumped upon Alysia's works on "BRAVE NEW VOICES" Which is one of the many amazing poetry gigs and forums,I have come to discover.I have attended amazing forums,like these,here in Nairobi,Like "Fatuma's Voice" and "Slam Africa Poetry" and many more in Nakuru too.I realized its a great avenue,to learn.There,you meet fellow poets,and listen to them speak,like masters of an art you are yet to discover.They inspire,speak to the soul,drive the mind crazy with thought and torment it with the luring math of logic,stirred up in rhymes that would well fit in that sacred chord of David,if poetry was to be made into song!
You leave a poetry session a much better poet than you got in.I love hearing other people talk.I love listening to the way to pronunce their words,the way they punctuate their sentences...the way that pitch rises and falls,in tandem with their heartbeats,sometimes faster :) And all this time,they have a way of keeping you glued to their voices,with their faces saying tons,and eyes oozing emotion...Speaking is an art,oration is a skill,but poetry,spoken,is divine :)
Here,I have sampled a piece by Alysia Harris,one of the most gifted spoken word artistes I have ever been priviledged to listen to.I hope it thrills you,even half as it did me :) It is an intrigue,belive me!
ALYSIA HARRIS;THAT GIRL
We got that waiting-in-the-clinic silence,
And Im so tired of being your hamper,
That I’m about to dump out those week old stained ketchup secrets,
and do laundry in that silence!
You like keeping it quiet...
But my vagina is not your walk-in-closet....
You wanna stuff your unmentionables through me,
U want a place to hang up your insecurities,
Want me to keep check of your hand-me-downs and Prada,
Waiting for every occasion,
to put me back behind closed doors and lock me in the darkness...
Nobody knows you hold my hand,
And nobody knows I call you baby,
And nobody know you write anonymous poems about me,
The type you can’t post on Facebook...
Because,regardless of what you may think I’m worth,
Or what you may think I deserve,
I will never be that girl.
The girl that’s only allowed to make you smile,
When she´s making you orgasm,
Whose day job is daydreaming waiting for her night job...
Who's so in love,
She will turn her body over for your superficial touch....
You hide me behind locked doors and bed sheets,
Because if you dare reached out,
Then everybody would know that it was still about me...
So that in your heart and inyour mind,
you're still wrapped up in me....
My teardrops,you own them,
My hearts strings,
you got them tied around your pencils and fingers...
Yea, you may say it´s over,
And you may never tell me that you love me...
But you don’t have to,
Cause your silence speaks volumes..
You wanna hold me in your arms,
Rock me to sleep,
Then act like you don’t know me....
As if the moments we spent together,
are some kind of down payment...
As if my bedroom were lay-away,
And that’s all you ever do....lay away,
Pull up beside me,
But in the morning,
Pull up the hoodie,
And run the other way...
I’m like that bastard child,
The reason Daddy never stuck around in the first place..
But for me rejection doesn't come every other weekend..
It comes when you lower your head and pass by without speaking,
And I remember there was a time,
when you could barely take your eyes off me...
I just don’t understand,
Why it's not okay for you to love me...
I guess you just want me to be
The girl everybody wants to sleep with but nobody wants to
Only good enough for finding a suitable replacement...
And not trying to make up for the mistake,
But you try to convince yourself that she means everything,
And you want nothing to do with me,
But come on baby...
She looks just like me!!!
Read the signs,
Or at least the facial features,
Cause I was your first,
And she's just a duplicate..
And you can never make copies,
without first consulting the blueprint!!!
You know what they say,
"The sequel is never better than the original..."
And she tries to write you stories,
But you know they’re only half as good as mine,
So half squinting,
You only hold her half as tight as you should...
Cause your other half is tangled between my bed sheets,
And your other half is complete within my mind,soul, and body,
And your other half is french tonguing me..
Monday through Friday....!!
I’m not fighting for joint custody,
I’m fighting for RESPECT!!
Cause I will never be content with being your back-door hoe,
Your little something-on-the side,
Your something-to-do on those lonely weekends,
Your closet freak,
You will never reduce me,
to a skank and a whore,
that will never leave you...!!!
I’d rather spend every night
crying alone on my bedroom floor than to ever be “THAT
It gets emotional,doesn't it? :/